When Your Trash Can is Filled with Maggots

When you take the lid off your trash can and it’s a swimming carpet of tiny, white maggots, you know one thing is for certain: THEY ARE GOING TO GET ON YOU. It doesn’t matter how careful you are, how far you hold that can away from your body with only two disdainful fingers and an upturned nose…they are coming for you.

Sure, you can try it. Go ahead. Sit on your front porch just staring at them writhing while you rest your head in your hands and sigh. Pout. Close your eyes and imagine a friendly neighbor ambling by, wanting nothing more than to clean your trash can for you. Picture an aimless youth anxiously looking for a service project. He suddenly looks up and POW! There you and your maggots are, just waiting to be served. Enjoy your daydreams. But know that when your eyes open, they will still be there, nature’s dreaded, undulating, albino decomposers.

Tempted to argue? I understand the urge. But rest assured that the maggots will not listen to your well-formed logic as to why they should leave. “Sure,” they think, “it’s nice outside, but this green plastic is just so TEMPTING.” And no, adopting the nasally voice of a five year old and repeatedly whining, “But I don’t waaaaant to clean up maggots” will not change the reality of what you must do. It just won’t.

In the end, the tantrums finally give way to a reluctant acceptance of what must be, and you will arm yourself with gloves and bleach and a jerry can full of water. You will put on a brave face. You are a PEACE CORPS VOLUNTEER. You are a SURVIVOR. You can handle ANYTHING. You are NOT DISGUSTED BY MAGGOTS. And when the water from your assault splashes and with it hundreds of maggots hit the top of your exposed, bare foot, you will pretend that it’s okay. Yes, you’ll squeal. And yes, you’ll brush them off with speed and ferocity you didn’t know you were capable of. But you’ll clean that darn trash can until it sparkles. Did they come for you? Ohhhh, yes. They came. They came in full force. They gave it all they had. But in the end the score is Steph:1, Maggots: dead.