When you take the lid off your trash can and it’s a swimming
carpet of tiny, white maggots, you know one thing is for certain: THEY ARE
GOING TO GET ON YOU. It doesn’t matter how careful you are, how far you hold
that can away from your body with only two disdainful fingers and an upturned
nose…they are coming for you.
Sure, you can try it. Go ahead. Sit on your front porch just
staring at them writhing while you rest your head in your hands and sigh. Pout.
Close your eyes and imagine a friendly neighbor ambling by, wanting nothing
more than to clean your trash can for you. Picture an aimless youth anxiously
looking for a service project. He suddenly looks up and POW! There you and your
maggots are, just waiting to be served. Enjoy your daydreams. But know that
when your eyes open, they will still be there, nature’s dreaded, undulating,
albino decomposers.
Tempted to argue? I understand the urge. But rest assured
that the maggots will not listen to your well-formed logic as to why they
should leave. “Sure,” they think, “it’s nice outside, but this green plastic is
just so TEMPTING.” And no, adopting the nasally voice of a five year old and repeatedly
whining, “But I don’t waaaaant to clean up maggots” will not change the reality
of what you must do. It just won’t.
In the end, the tantrums finally give way to a reluctant
acceptance of what must be, and you will arm yourself with gloves and bleach
and a jerry can full of water. You will put on a brave face. You are a PEACE
CORPS VOLUNTEER. You are a SURVIVOR. You can handle ANYTHING. You are NOT
DISGUSTED BY MAGGOTS. And when the water from your assault splashes and with it
hundreds of maggots hit the top of your exposed, bare foot, you will pretend
that it’s okay. Yes, you’ll squeal. And yes, you’ll brush them off with speed
and ferocity you didn’t know you were capable of. But you’ll clean that darn
trash can until it sparkles. Did they come for you? Ohhhh, yes. They came. They
came in full force. They gave it all they had. But in the end the score is
Steph:1, Maggots: dead.
